Bless her sweet little old heart

Had the following conversation with a sweetheart, an old-lady admin in Hartford, Connecticut, this afternoon, via instant messenger:

DP:

"Your too much....."

Me:

DP:

"I just got one of these from RM.... they are sooo cute....love 'em."

Me:

"What's that?"

DP:

"those little yellow heads.."

Um. What? You misuse "Your" and then expect me to not be surprised if you are unfamiliar with emoticons? Granted, I am not a huge fan, but... seriously? "little yellow heads"?

I love this a whole, whole, whole lot.

My Boys Try To Make a Funny...

And they do, but for the wrong reasons. This afternoon they were all nerded out and decided to play with this picture:





And they came up with this:






Oh boy. How awesome is it that they spelled it AWSOME? Even with the actual text there they still spelled it wrong. The subject of the email was "new company hero". I'm not so sure about that. Do you think Fluffy could save the day?

Our CIO is a doofus

Twice in one day:


(I know your checking mail!).

- Here we have him trying to be cute, and failing due to the your/you're issue. Jerk.
--------------

its not IT at all its business


- Here we have him double-whammying with a misuse of its. This sentence sucks.

So does this CIO.

You might work for a redneck surveying company if.....

There is a note on a job folder indicating “Call before Y’ALL dig”

Hunh? It’s a wonder I still speak a recognizable form of English after five years here!

Noing me, Noing you....

i previously sheduled the days march 27th and 28th off. I am going out of town that weekend. Not noing that i have to work that weekend. Could it be possible to work this weekend to make up for next week? I will gladly appreciated.

How did this person get out of elementary school?

And as all best friends do when you just can't seem to find your words, Princess Sparklepants has provided this analysis:

Wowsa. Maybe we should dissect this line by line. Granted, this was IM'ed, but still:

hello Evanessence i previously sheduled the days march 27th and 28th off -distinct lack of commas, deficiency in capitalization (though, nicely, she did capitalize Evanessence's name), missing "c" in scheduled.

I am going out of town that weekend. -so okay that you start to think the first sentence was a fluke.

Not noing that i have to work that weekend. -Then, you realize, this was just to sucker you in. "Noing" is my new favorite special word. Again, with the capitalization issues, and... you are left wondering. Wondering! Not knowing that she has to work that weekend, what? WHAT? Is this ambiguity intentional, or is she just dumb? We don't know!!

Could it be possible to work this weekend to make up for next week?
- I just want to tell her, yes! Yes it could be possible. ANYTHING COULD be possible. Would it, though? Hard to say. Sigh.

span style="color:#cc66cc;">I will gladly appreciated.
- I, too, will be gladly appreciated. Possibly posthumously. But definitely by anyone who appreciates the inanity of awful grammatical skills. Like you.

Friends who are snarky together, stay together...

We may be stupid...but we're not this stupid!

I received this email instead of my boss because the email address was not correct.

Hi Fearless Leader,

This is Dumb Ass Ex-Employee* well guess things are bad everywhere heard they are at Fluffy Loves the Sauce too,
ive got myself a cad program at home and if you need any drafting done please let me know, i could also come down and work in feild or whatever. Hope the best for all you guys.....
Thanks for everything youve done for me Fearless Leader....
Tell everyone hi.

This employee left his employment with us by simply clocking out and going home. At 9am. We didn't even realize he was gone until noon. It has never been confirmed, but it was strongly suspected that he was involved with or had previous knowledge of the actions of another ex-employee who used the computers of female employees for kiddie porn. Yeah, come on back - it worked out so well the first time! Fortunately for us, we're currently at our maximum level of felons allowed. I don't think I even need to mention the grammar at this point.

*Some names may be changed to protect the stupid

Some of us are not smarter than a 1st Grader!

I have noticed a disturbing trend lately. My Fearless Leader emails me quote prices like this: 8500$. At first I thought typo and then when it kept happening I’m thinking: “okay, I’m smarter than him – most 1st graders are smarter than him on this point…” And then I got an email from Fluffy yesterday and he priced the job like that! I looked at some proposals that he did and sent to CLIENTS. Price listed the same way. Um, stupidity is apparently contagious. I’ve got to stop him from doing that without making him feel like the moron he is!

I have just received an email from Fearless and, you guessed it....

16500$$$ 3 WEEKS

ARGHH!! I am wondering if the higher the price the more dollar signs he will put after the number like a restaurant guide. I might need to keep an eye on that.